February 2018, I had the opportunity to visit El Salvador for the first time with my partner. He has been travelling there for almost 15 years, primarily for surfing and has also set an intention of supporting the Central American countries that are often relegated to the back rows of the global bus due to complicated socio-political and economic entanglements.
A few lessons unfolded for me from the very start. The divine feminine rose up within me, helping me to merge with the allowing that felt like my greater truth. Inspired by the divine feminine ideology, I was invited once again to face old patterns of guilt, the need for earned permission, approval in the eyes of others, and justifying a ‘purpose’ for the trip - that would in the end serve others, as that is the will of Spirit. The goddess within helped me claim my desire to embrace this opportunity with excitement, deservingness and lightness. No justification needed. No predetermined use of this experience as fodder for serving others. The fierce, yet compassionate energy of the divine feminine a source of great solace for me. Little did I know, I would be dialoguing with my inner goddess to such great depths as this trip unfolded. My inner compass re-directed with her firm gentle hand, back to allowing and receiving, over and over again. Observing myself with compassion and curiosity, my new normal for the past number of years, helped to keep my inner foundation strong as I allowed whatever experiences were being drawn my way.
This was the first trip in 4 years that I had taken purely for rest and to purposely unplug from my blossoming professional life! Travelling together, was also an opportunity for my partner and I to connect and explore our relationship in a new way. Later in life relationships such as mine, as a single mom and entrepreneur, can result in a lot of moments of connection truncated by daily life responsibilities. Flow of hours, into days, with my love in a new country where he could take over and I could drift into the background hues was just what I needed and wanted. For too long had I been “managing it all”; before my divorce, after my divorce and in true Capricorn style through the re-creation of my life as I knew it.
All of my travel prior to El Salvador had been for training of one sort, or another. I have been devoting all my energies to my personal and professional growth in order to serve humanity in the ways most important to me ~ on a heart and soul level through my burgeoning business. I am ever so grateful for all the opportunities I have both created, and those that flowed to me as a result of my dedication, clear focus and deep listening to my soul path. And more truth be told, I needed a break. I needed to be away from everything and everyone familiar. I needed to sit back and allow the reigns to be held lovingly and competently by someone else. I needed to be still; to read; to nap; to be held; to move slowly; to sense a new landscape of mother earth and her people. All of this, and more, came to me in beautiful and in some most tragic ways over the course of our time in El Salvador.
I am a very energy aware human. I always have been, since childhood. Aware of the energies held in the lands, the people, the natural spaces….the vibes of the individual and the collective.
El Salvador spoke to me in ways I was not prepared for….in magical and heart wrenching ways.
As I work with energy healing, not only with humans, but with the land itself I realized my call to El Salvador was not only a 3D shout out for a break. It was a deep resonant call from the ancestors of the lands of El Cuco. And it was a tragic bellowing from the divine feminine falling into the abyss of hopeless vacant sight. I did have time for the reprieve I needed and within that space, the raging goddess inside me swam to the surface of the bloody waters bathing the El Salvadoranian women.
I live life most immensely and intensely. It is both a gift and a burden by times. I no longer ignore the signs, the messages, the calling, the purpose of this aspect of my life. I can no longer hide the Shamaness that feels and connects to the wiles of this multidimensional existence. I am awake. I no longer sleep through my life. Nor do I ever want to again ~ even if the pain threatens to shatter all that I know. It can. It will. And I will rise again with greater knowing, greater love, greater support and light to share. It will always accompany “best laid plans” because there is always a depth to the path of life which unfolds as we step forward upon it. Not before.
El Salvador opened another channel of life force for me, through words….
After spending a week in El Tunco and La Libertad, observing, listening, and sensing, we left for El Cuco…a remote area where all of what I was taking in, settled into my heart and I erupted with fierce goddess bile through my writing.
It was also there I was comforted by the opportunity to be of service to the land and the ancestors who called. Knowing at some point I would share these experiences with those guided to grow with them and hold them with care.
"When the trees called”, is where I share more of the incredible land healing in El Cuco. With love and reverence you are welcome to read about it in my upcoming blog post.
Below, is the poetry, the writing that sprang from within the divine feminine volcano.
The women, and men, of this Central American country like many others, have lost their way. Patriarchal wounds fester with increasing poverty, staccato like global manipulation and impertinence.
Sadly, it is a country with high domestic and sexual violence, un-haltering gender inequality; ignorance, teenage pregnancy; religious piety, over consumption and socio-political corruption at its worst.
It affected me greatly. I had to find a way to express what was seething beneath the proverbial surface all around me. May it evoke courage and compassion from within your depths and as a result, may you send your prayers, to the men, women, and children of El Salvador and across the world, still wiping the sleep from their eyes and hearts.
Ancient truths & knowledge waiting to be unearthed.
Waiting in the dust.
Rising to the surface, yet overlooked.
Broad smiles. Glimpses of spark once blazing with possibilities.
Slow. Hot. Encumbered.
Working through the maze, over & over.
Not ‘noticing' the ladders? Blinded by hardship. Breeding complacency.
Rise not heart of truth.
Dangle your roots on the disparate topsoil.
More eyes. More mouths. More feet. Yet...
As if freedom to create, lies only within the loins.
The great Ceiba call to you.
The wild offerings of the sea whistle your names.
The terra sings out, for you to break through....the callouses of your history.
Reclaim your tenderness.
Reclaim your breath.
Reclaim your strength.
There is time. Are you listening?
Shards of history scatter the dusty soil.
Wood & wire separate.
Metal & machismo 'protect what could be summoned for great destiny...great birthing.
Dulled roars of the lioness.
Resilient eyes, quietly they watch the game.
Same players. Same rules.
Sitting on the bench, never to be called.
Womb spaces filled with overbearing seed...
Quell the desire to leap from the bench. Corralled & branded.
Watch the tower of power crash below, swept out to sea, tossed and returned to shore....in bits.
Gather quickly...so no eyes piece together the puzzle of shame.
Stand tall. Be bigger, wider...spread out like the arms of An octopus.
Grab all that you can, so that you can feel your girth.
Be Seen. Be heard. For all that you are not.
Machete the masks of violence, with devotion.
Fragment the faces of fear and shame.
Bathe them in chamomile & the rose blood of the Jimaica.
In the belly of Panchamama, the children go hungry.
Nurture the wounds into New buds of potential.
Band together the ropes of hope, acceptance, sisterhood & brotherhood.
Respect will fuel your cells.
Summon the Divine Mother, not from within the church walls, but from within you.
You are Sacred.
You are Important.
You are Not Forgotten.
You are loved.
Recall it in your bones, your blood.
You Belong. Together.
The sky dissolves & takes the illusion of prison with it.
It is what YOU believe to be true.
Be brave. Be bold. See the Unseen.
Why wait any longer?
You need not be told, or be forced, unless you allow pestilence to rule your senses.
Throw your branding irons into the molten depths.
Harness the fires in the belly of the beast & rise like the Phoenix.
Become the Sun Gods once again.
Wed Grandmother Moon in a ceremony of cosmic ecstasy.
Eclipse your beauty, your gifts, your truths, your belonging...together.
Mother, daughter, sister, friend, therapist, teacher, coach, shamanka, healer, traveler, yogi, dancer, music lover, lover of nature, student of life, spiritual adventurer, seeker of truth, joy and peace...