I was so nervous....
I was reminded how much I love singing, how incredibly uplifting, and joy filled I feel when singing.
While away on my Breathwork training, Spiritdance, at Lendrick lodge in Scotland, we began each training day singing and moving to sacred songs.
I looked forward to it every day!
It rekindled a desire I had a few years ago of wanting to take voice lessons, and/or join a local singing group.
I made a promise to myself to follow my desire once home to Nova Scotia. Not let it get swept to the side as I returned to my full life of single parenting teens, running a home and business!
I try new things ALL the time - it keeps my vision, my perceptions, my life, my gifts expanding!
And feel called to try some pretty big things...like walking on fire.
And, yet, I was SUPER nervous when I first stood amongst the group of women this past Wednesday night to sing with a local acapella group!
It’s amazing how our ego jumps in and body ignites the limbic system, flooding us with old experiences and patterns where fear holds tight to the shirt tails of our psyche. At the same time all this energetic charge is reminding us how alive we are in that moment!
It brought me back to a childhood music festival and I felt ten years old again.
I was right back there feeling hot, my voice like a whisper, trembling lips, body tight,…
I held such compassion for my wee girl inside. She felt so small...miniature in fact, in that huge room with looming stern faces of the adjuticators.
I watched my adult mind getting distracted as my body reeled with energetic charge. I brought them both to my breath - observed and settled in to my wriggly body. Breathe. Inviting the unsettled charge of energy to simply be there and know it can transform. To be allowed and to be expressed...not ignored.
This anxious energy was held lovingly, without shaming myself with those all too common thoughts people say "You shouldn't be nervous, you talk in front of people all the time, you lead retreats, you sing, chant, speak, teach workshops, instruct yoga, dance, do all kinds of things...don't be so silly, so foolish."
In no time, we were singing, my body slowly softened, my breath opened up, my eyes filled with tears and my heart welled with the joy of creating such pure connection to life and these women. I can't wait to go back!
I knew there was more to why I was being called to singing. Yes, I needed something for myself outside of life, work, kids; but, there is healing in this for me.
Most things we are nervous of, avoid, are afraid to step towards hold untapped energy and healing.
The energetic charge of that nervousness I felt held vital life force for me to usher into joy and excitement once I stayed with it and moved with it. As I stepped into curiousity and compassion for myself it could release into something else more comforting and joyful. The energy gets stuck, and is a missed opportunity, when we try to move through our discomfort so quickly and in a self-shaming way.
Trying new things is scary, unsettling, exciting, and frightening at the same time.
What do we receive when we follow our fear and move through them?
Freedom. Expansion. Confidence. Aliveness.
What new things are you jumping into lately?
What personal insights and healing have you experienced?
Share and celebrate your courage!
Mother, daughter, sister, friend, therapist, teacher, coach, shaman, healer, traveler, yogi, dancer, music lover, lover of nature, student of life, spiritual adventurer, seeker of truth, joy and peace...